


Where I Stand

by orphan_account



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Jealousy, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-20
Updated: 2013-06-20
Packaged: 2017-12-15 14:13:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/850486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"It seemed like every waking moment revolved around stolen glances, brief touches and misleading words. No matter how much Gavin tried to make his intentions clear, Ray couldn’t have asked for anything more agonizing."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Where I Stand

   “Gavin, you need to stop this.”

When the Brit was confronted by Ray that evening, he honestly didn’t know what to expect. They’d been skirting around each other for the longest time. It seemed like every waking moment revolved around stolen glances, brief touches and misleading words. No matter how much Gavin tried to make his intentions clear, Ray couldn’t have asked for anything more agonizing. There was something about not knowing exactly where you were or what foundations you’d made with someone that hit a tender part of him. He’d accept rejection and humiliation over anything like this, if it meant he knew where he stood with Gavin.

That’s probably why it ended up being so easy to create such a mess.

Ray honestly thought that if things stayed as they were, he could deal with that. He could deal with having Gavin put his arm around him when they laughed together. He could deal with the Brit’s palm pressed on his lower back as he tried to move past him. He could deal with the fond glances and that smile he’d never seen him show with anyone else. But it was only when Gavin seemed to be both pulling and pushing him away that he snapped. What he couldn’t deal with was having those small, but meaningful, things aimed at someone else; whether it was inside the office, or when they went out on a weekend. All those things Ray had become attached to seemed to belong to someone new every week.

Neither ever realised that if things hadn’t have been so misunderstood, they probably wouldn’t have been having this conversation at all.

Instead, Ray was turned in his seat, watching Gavin as they tried to finish off some last minute editing. Gavin spared Ray a glance, laughing slightly and feigning confusion.

   “What’ve I done?” Gavin could feel his heart pounding, trying to concentrate on editing over the rush in his ears and Ray’s stare boring into him from the other end of the room. His voice tried to make light humour over Ray’s serious tone, but somewhere at the back of his mind, he felt like he wanted Ray to make this step. Because, lets face it, Gavin had failed to cross that boundary himself for months now.

   “You’re doing it again!”

   “You haven’t even told me what I’ve done wrong!” Gavin retorted, pulling his headphones away now and returning the gaze. Gavin could almost feel his chest lurch when he saw Ray’s expression. He was definitely pissed off. As Gavin stared with imploring eyes, feeling his throat dry a little, Ray’s expression seemed to soften and his nerves calmed. Pushing his glasses up as he rubbed his eyes with both hands, an almost inaudibly sigh passing his lips.

   “Do you even know how you’ve been acting?”

Gavin’s eyes glimpsed across Ray’s face and after a moment he nodded. “Yeah.” He paused for a moment. If he carried on, he knew his safety net would be removed. But Ray’s glare was becoming too much to handle. “I thought you’d have noticed how I felt by now.”

Ray hadn’t even been expecting it. Deep down, he was waiting for Gavin to scrunch his face up like he always did and shake his head. And even when Gavin replied with what he wanted to hear, things had gone too far by then. All Ray could concentrate on was his frustration at how complicated things just had to be with the Brit.

   “You’re driving me insane, Gavin. I swear.”

Ray rolled his eyes, swinging his chair back to stare at his screen in distaste and Gavin felt his stomach drop.

   “If you didn’t want to know the truth, you shouldn’t have bloody asked.” Already he felt the seething sense of rejection fill his head and chest. Just one emotion he’d forever try to avoid.

   “You know it’s not that, Gavin. Christ.”

Gavin had forgotten all about the editing he was meant to be doing, noticing the computer’s screensaver flickering into life as he watched Ray.

   “Then what?”

   “Everytime you act like you do, it ends up like a joke. Every time you-“

   “-c’mon, Ray. I wouldn’t go through all that for a joke!”

   “Then why is it always Michael lately? Or when we go out it’s like everyone else is so much more interesting!”

Ray couldn’t remember a time he’d felt so mad with Gavin. No matter how many times he tried to tell himself it was stupid, he felt like he was entitled to feel this hurt. Gavin had made it so clear what he wanted, but without those words he just couldn’t do anything about it. When Gavin gave those looks and smiles to anyone else, he couldn’t stop the jealousy that filled him up. It was like he was betraying him, and with each passing day Ray felt his emotions get even more tightly strung. Gavin’s expression hardened at those words.

   “You’re being ridiculous, Ray. Seriously.”

   “I’m being honest.”

With each word, Ray felt as though he was fighting a losing battle. He reached for the computer’s mouse once again, intent on powering his way through this stupid video and leaving.

   “Why are you acting as if it’s _my_ fault? I was waiting for you to say something. What was I supposed to do?”

   “Not flirt with other guys. Or telling me might have been a start.” the sarcasm lacing Ray’s voice surprised even himself. When he looked out of the corner of his eye, he could see Gavin shaking his head before he began tidying away his headphones. A couple of rather aggressive taps against the keyboard later and his computer began shutting down.

   “Where are you going?” Ray asked, his voice a little meeker.

   “Home.” Gavin snapped, not even sparing Ray a glance as he slammed the door behind him.

  
**…   ...**   **…   ...**   **…   ...**   **…   ...**   **…   ...**   **…   ...**   **…   ...**   **…   ...  
**  


And when Ray finally returned to his apartment that night, he didn’t think the truth would have hurt this much. For once, knowing where he stood with Gavin seemed like the last thing he wanted. He wanted nothing more than to know that in the morning Gavin would still be there Before he fell asleep, he tried to accept the fact that Gavin wouldn’t feel how he did before and felt his chest ache.

  
**…   ...**   **…   ...**   **…   ...**   **…   ...**   **…   ...**   **…   ...**   **…   ...**   **…   ...  
**  


Ray ended up phoning in sick the next morning, and Gavin wasted no time in convincing Geoff to let him go early as soon as he heard

   “C’mon, Geoff. Please, I need to go now. You don’t understand-”

Geoff did nothing but cut Gavin off, _(“No.”)_ and the more they argued, the more anxious and annoyed Gavin became. _(“I said no, Gavin.”)_ All he could think about was his conversation with Ray last night. _(“Fuck off!”)_

“Geoff, will you just bloody listen to me?” If Gavin’s voice hadn’t been so loud, his expression alone spoke volumes.

   “You alright, Gav?”

   “No, I-. Look, Geoff. I just really need to visit Ray, I know he’s off si-“

   “Okay, okay. Alright, go.”

If it had been any other situation, Gavin would have had to double take. Gavin hadn’t been entirely certain other’s hadn’t caught onto his actions with Ray, but this clarified it. And in that moment, Gavin didn’t want to discuss it. The only thing he wanted to do was apologize to Ray.

  
**…   ...**   **…   ...**   **…   ...**   **…   ...**   **…   ...**   **…   ...**   **…   ...**   **…   ...  
**  


Ray genuinely didn’t think it’d have come to this, at all. He thought that once everything had been out in the open, good news or bad, it would have at least left him some peace of mind. Unfortunately, Gavin happened to be the only fault in this system. That alone probably hurt the most.

When he heard quite violent knocks at the door, Ray considered not even answering. He didn’t want to get his hopes up, fearing that disheartening lurch that crossed his stomach every time he thought of Gavin now. But when he heard that all too familiar accent, Ray felt himself freeze. Nothing but questions filtered through his head. _What if he just wants to tell me it’s not going to work out?_

   “Ray! Please, we need to talk.”

Ray felt such a bitter sense of cowardice over take him. _How could I bitch at Gavin for not having a set of balls about this when I can’t even open the damn door?_

   “Ray, I’m sorry.” Gavin’s shout seemed to fade away, and he briefly wondered if Ray was there at all. When the door to his apartment opened, Gavin knew that he didn’t care about making false ideas of them anymore. He didn’t want to carry on wondering what if, just because he was scared of what might be. Gavin would have accepted rejection and humiliation above never knowing if him and Ray could have worked out.

Ray didn’t get chance to say a word before Gavin was stepping over the door’s threshold. His hands curled across Ray’s face, holding him close as he leaned down and pressed his lips against the others. It was as though everything snapped between them. That barrier that either had never dared to try and cross - broke. All the annoyance, the frustration, the worry and, most of all, the fear subsided, leaving the pair almost dizzy with relief.

It was as though a switch flipped in Ray’s head, as Gavin parted cautiously, his eyes raked over the Brit’s face and he was filled with nothing but need. As Gavin stared, a mixture of awe and worry, Ray flicked his eyes down to Gavin’s lips and back. Without another hesitation, Ray’s hands found their places. One resting against Gavin’s waist, the other pulling him back by the material covering his chest. They met in a flourish of clutching hands and meshing lips, Gavin’s hand locking into Ray’s hair and one trailing across his lower back as he’d always done before. But this time, it wasn’t a show or a joke.

Ray felt Gavin’s tongue trail a heated path across his lower lip and his palm lay flat across his lower back. The door slammed shut as Gavin pushed Ray against it, never wavering in his actions. When the pair parted, Ray couldn’t help but replace his arms across Gavin’s neck, pulling him so their forehead’s rest against the others. That all too familiar smile beamed right across Gavin’s features, and Ray found himself smiling right back, eyes lidded.

When Gavin’s arms pulled him into a tight embrace, he felt every concern spill from his body – just from one small gesture. Like it was second nature, Ray’s face rest in the crook of Gavin’s neck, the skin-on-skin contact filling the Brit with nothing but warmth.

   “I’m really sorry, Ray.”

   “I know.”

   “I love you.”

Ray smiled, placing a kiss against Gavin’s neck. He finally knew where he stood.

**Author's Note:**

> If you would like to reblog or like this fic on tumblr:
> 
> http://teaandotherstuff.tumblr.com/post/40637260648/where-i-stand


End file.
